To Max:

"Mommy says no, but Daddy says yes when Mommy is not around..."

Dave: They worked at a lawyer business

Jessica: A law firm?

Dave: Yes, a law firm.

"I will consider tonight a great success if I don't shart"

To Max

"I know the toilet is exciting and mysterious, but I'm afraid you can't play with it."

Jessica: aren't the pickles going to make the bread soggy?

Dave: the pickles are going to make the bread.....AWESOME!