in case you didn't know...

"squirrel love is color blind, Jessica"

after dinner drink

"I'm going to start putting vodka in my H2O. But instead of H2O I'm going to call it H2 Uh-Oh"

between a rock and a gas can

"This gas can is the worst gas can in the history of gas cans!! I mean....a rock with a hole in it would be better than this gas can."

huh?

"in 1998, dump was king!"

wallpaper from hell

While stripping wallpaper

Jessica: this must be what Hell is like, except hotter
Dave: NO WAY! Phil Collins wouldn't be playing in Hell! He would be too busy serenading the angels...

well, in that case

Dave: there's a cop behind us. make sure you're going 30!
Jessica: he's turning
Dave: oh. ok, go 40 then

my bad

Dave: I'm sorry. I dont want to fight with you.
Jessica: I'm sorry too.
Dave: Oh and I'm sorry I wrote "kiss my butt" with lipstick on the bathroom mirror.......my bad.