"Euphoria, your name is spaghetti."

"A jar of pickles and a loaf of cheese bread. Dinner possible."

Completely out of the blue:

"What would Max do if he saw me in a giant gorilla costume? Just curious."

Jessica: Don't touch my leg, it's too hairy

Dave: Yikes! I didn't touch your leg. I think a cat crawled in here!

To Max:

"Mommy says no, but Daddy says yes when Mommy is not around..."

Dave: They worked at a lawyer business

Jessica: A law firm?

Dave: Yes, a law firm.

"I will consider tonight a great success if I don't shart"