At 6 am:

I just set Max up with a donut and a movie. Because I'm a good parent.

Dave: Did you know you got whole wheat gold fish?

Jessica: Yes

Dave: Oh. I didn't think anyone did that on purpose. I thought they put them on the shelves to trick people.

To Max:

Never answer the door in your underwear

To Max:

How did your whole body get sticky??

"Is there anything in the world that tastes better than Pop Tarts?!?"

"Tom Hanks makes me so happy."

Jessica: Ewwww. You are stinky.

Dave: I burped. But it should be minty fresh, I just ate a thin mint.