"Amazon is practically shoving music down our throats and I'm loving every minute of it!!"

Dave: Don't Dad's get a break?

Jessica: Mom's don't!

Dave: Yeah, Mom's have nap time.

Jessica: You think I sit around during nap time??

Dave: You price garage sale stuff. I'd kill to price garage sale stuff!!

"Work sucks. Home's a party!"

Jessica: You can't eat brussel sprouts

Dave: I can eat brussel sprouts, I'll just feel like death

Talking about my family:

"They didn't know you were going to marry Gandalf."

"Why isn't there a picture of Max on the fridge? But there IS a picture of me looking like Rasputin."

"You don't get less hairy with age"

"Max, come here and look me in the eyes. I have something very important to ask you......(singing) Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?"

To Max:

Jessica: Play with your dad's bellybutton, it's cavernous

Dave: I dare you to find the end.