"Variety is the spice of life, babe."

"Daddy's belly button is not a play thing!"

Dave: I should do that....

Jessica: What, be a neurosurgeon?

Dave: Yeah, I'd be awesome at it, great eye -hand coordination. I mean....I fall asleep playing video games, but....

When Dave mentioned eating breakfast at Chick-Fil-A:

Jessica: That sounds like a heart attack

Dave: That sounds like a pleasure attack!

"I just want to dance on a guitar shaped bar."

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while."

After I expressed being concerned that I gave our number and address to someone on craigslist....and telling them that we wouldn't be home until after 8...

"Just tell them that we are doing SWAT team training at our house until 8:30. The tear gas should be clear by then, but who knows?"

"I'm like the perfect man...killing spiders, changing poopy diapers....loving you..."

"All I want is to find Bigfoot's footprint. Is that really too much to ask??"

"I need more nerds in my life."

"I think one of the things I need most right now in life is a cross breeze."

"I've got Olive's hot breath on my toes and you talking my ear off, just give me two seconds!"

"There's a lot of money in fragrances, I think."

"It's a dark day in radio when I stop and listen to Snow Patrol."

Dave: Did you hear Olive snoring last night?

Jessica: No, but I heard her barfing this morning

Dave: Oh man, I get so jazzed when I hear that. I just know it's going to be a great day.

after trying to fix the alarm clock several times:

"If the alarm goes off now, we'll know the devil has control of this alarm clock!!"

"Hey! We are trying to rest in peace over here......not in a dead sort of way...."

"I like my water how I like my pizza......day old!"

to the dog

"Lay down! I'm trying to play robot unicorn fighters, Olive!"

Jessica: Are you embarrassed by me?

Dave: No! 98% of the time I'm not.

"Who doesn't want to dance to Elton John while eating a graham cracker?"

"I just want to grill something and murder winter!"

"Don't crayons smell like butt sometimes? Four day old, unshowered butt."

"I can't wait to see Daniel Craig go all Home Alone on those guys again."

While driving

"I think we were just passed by a Volkswagen commercial."

"The places between my teeth are very scary. They are deep dark places where the devil lives."