"John Leguizamo is my vibe."

Deciding whether we should go out:

"I want you to know that just because I'm wearing pajama pants doesn't mean I'm not ready to party."

Dave and Max talking at the table:

Dave: Stinky daddy toots

Jessica: No toot talk at the table

A few minutes later....

Dave: ...the size of a turd

Jessica: No turd talk at the table

Dave: What CAN we talk about at the table?!

"I just saw a Papa John's guy and a Dominos guy leave the building at the same time. Obviously they were going outside to fight."