it's electric

Dave: THIS is what Olive has been chewing on

Jessica: NO!! The dryer ball!! We lost the green one, the red one is all chewed up and we have ZERO dryer sheets left.

Dave: NOOOOO!! Static prevails!

what a chore

Jessica: My mom said "can you believe he is going to be a big tall man someday?" And I was all, "don't tell me that!"

Dave: Yeah, well...he better help me rake

thoughts on babies

"Babies can really get away with things that humans can't"

losing it

While half asleep, hearing Max having a hard time nursing

"Why don't you just put some pizza in a blender for him?"

thankfully he was talking to the dog

"wanna lick the sea salt out of my beard?"

the stinky truth

Dave: You smell good

Jessica: Really? I haven't even showered yet today

Dave: Well, you smell like soup. And I'm hungry.

word to the wise

"You don't achieve world domination without getting some stains on your pants"