"Take it easy greasy little buddy. That isn't the last cracker in the world."

In a sad voice

"Now that I'm done watching Frasier, I just don't want to watch anything anymore."

"Nobody likes to be stood up on a man date, Jessica."

"Euphoria, your name is spaghetti."

"A jar of pickles and a loaf of cheese bread. Dinner possible."

Completely out of the blue:

"What would Max do if he saw me in a giant gorilla costume? Just curious."

Jessica: Don't touch my leg, it's too hairy

Dave: Yikes! I didn't touch your leg. I think a cat crawled in here!