soaper man

Jessica: why don't you just use the body wash that's in the shower?

Dave: I don't have anything to put it on

Jessica: Just lather it up with your hands. What do you put your bar of soap on?

Dave: My body! I just rub it all over my body (complete with actions)

Jessica: ........

Dave: I cant be the only one who does that. Then I just throw the bar of soap into the air and it lands perfectly back in the dish. I'm like a super hero in there!

keep it secret, keep it safe

Dave: I still have that gift card burning a hole in my wallet

Jessica: Whoa, this is the longest you have ever held on to a gift card without spending it

Dave: I know, I've started calling it, "my precious"

snow day protest

While looking around the neighborhood

" I AM the only one who didn't shovel. I thought everyone was revolting. I thought it was like a senior skip day..."

if smells could kill

Dave: Holy crap! Did you see how many "new car scent" things that guy had?

Jessica: gross. that would really bother me.

Dave:.....I'd be dead.

the diva has spoken

While playing Rockband

"this is our last song. diva dave is tired."

winning

Jeff: things never go bad if you freeze them. like disney.

Dave: yeah, him and tupac are all..."WINNING!"

farewell churros

Dave: I know what I'm going to give up for Lent.....churros.
Jessica:.....churros? As in, when you go to LA you will abstain from eating a churro?
Dave: Yea, and it's going to be HARD!
Jessica: uh huh. What should I give up? Sweets maybe?
Dave: All you need to do is come up with something that you think about every day. Like churros.

"dont they know you're supposed to have a first name?"

Dave: Classic Morrissey

Jessica: huh?

Dave: This is the Smiths, but the lead singer's name is Morrissey

Jessica: What's his other name? Is that his first or last name?

Dave: Picture Madonna. Dude version. Morrissey.

i saw the sign

Dave: What's with all the traffic?
Jessica: there's a stalled vehicle in the middle lane up there
Dave: Oh. Did you see it?
Jessica: No. The electronic traffic informational sign told me.
Dave. Oh. I never read those. It could say there is a giant fire ball in the middle lane. It could say there is a car-eating dinosaur up ahead and I would still be all "weird, what's up with the traffic?"

L seven weenie

Dave: this is why I don't go to the mall on a saturday. or ever.
Jessica: you don't go shopping at all. that is why you always need clothing items. you NEVER go shopping.
Dave: shopping is for squares!

dibs

Dave: I'm just taking a carry on so I'm going to need that small suitcase
Jessica: No way! I'm using that one.
Dave: Dibs
Jessica: You cant call dibs. I'm using it.
Dave: You obviously don't understand the rules of dibs.
Jessica: You obviously don't understand "ladies first"
Dave: OK, OK...ladies first. IF YOU CALL DIBS!